Ok, so I was told to post. >.> Not sure what all I should post. I never have been good with journalism for I never have much to say. Everybody has certainly got their problems. Dave, Aly, myself, etc. Although I really won't go into details about theirs. It's just not anyone's business. XD But I guess it wouldn't hurt to post mine, now would it? Well, there are a few things....

 

I continually work on losing weight, despite what a certain sarcastic someone implies. >.> -coughs- It doesn't feel like it goes fast enough! I never would have gained this weight if not for becoming pre-eclamptic while I was pregnant with my daughter, Cheyenne.  And for those of you out there who don't know what that is, pre-eclampsia is "a serious condition developing in late pregnancy that is characterized by a sudden rise in blood pressure, excessive weight gain, generalized edema [basically an excess accumulation of tissue fluid in any organ - swelling], proteinuria [an excess of proteins in the urine], severe headache, and visual disturbances that can result in eclampsia if untreated." I got a little bit of all of it, besides the visual disturbances. But now that I am OK it's time I put aside my moping and groaning and just get rid of it!!! RAWR! So it's going. I was so happy today too.. actually fit into a pair of pajama pants that I always wore before I became pregnant - and after I was prego, rofl, I couldn't squeeze one thigh in. So. YAY!

 

Then there is, of course, the ever present worries of our financial situation. For a while there we were both jobless. And though I do try to go over to my aunt's as much as possible to do some Data Entry that alone won't cover the expenses of dear, old Pennsylvania. This place is expensive I tell ya, it's ridiculous! It's not just necessarily a matter of having too many people, it's just the fact that there are too many low paying jobs that want people to break their backs for almost nothing. And then they expect us to be able to go home and pay our bills with what little we made, made less because there is a ridiculous amount of taxes to be taken out. So, we are quite literally bringing about our own destruction by leeching on the less fortunate of us - hard labor for cheap pay. Before it was a matter of immigrants dealing with that, but it's just as bad with us Americans as it is them. Bleeding us dry I tell ya! ANYWAY, fortunately Joe pretty much has a decent job in the bad. York Waste Disposal has decided to hire him after asking him back for the last 2-3 weeks through Labor Ready, a temp agency. He got the drug tests, now he only needs a physical and a lift test [to make sure he can lift their required amount of weight] and he's good, and we have no doubt he'll pass. Then after that he will be making 95 dollars a route each day, which isn't bad - although there will be a lot of times he will work 14 hours or so. I definitely won't complain with having to depend on my mother for the longest time to get us through the last few couple of rough months. AND THEN in January he will start making 115 dollars a route each day. So.. things seem to be looking up. ^^;;. 

 

 

There is of course the relationship problem. There are times when I think it will work, and then lots of times when I feel that I don't even want to try anymore. Part of me feels it's just a result of mingled emotions over all of the troubles that have plagued us lately. Between my family and their problems, and then ours as well it's a lot to take in. Stress is a biatch like that. And then another part of me knows that our marriage was just rushed into anyway, and it feels like it just isn't the same - and maybe it's just working now because we have a kid to think about >.> and Joe refuses to let us go. -sigh- They sound like excuses, and 90% of the time they probably are. All in all, in seriousness, I am just very confused in that department. x.X I have no idea what to do!

 

 

I am afraid for my mom too. She has so much to deal with at home that I am afraid one of these days she will just lose it. I am not sure what I'd do if she weren't around. We've had many differences in the past where we butted heads but I do love the woman. She has been there for me through many things, and hasn't given up when a lot of people have. She is a support, and though she nags in an emotionally stressing way I know she means well. >< She just needs to back off a little and realize I am not a baby anymore, that some things I need to deal with on my own. I think that's where I get a lot of my problems with not being able to deal with things like everyone else can. I was so rotten spoiled in that department.. never went without anything. I've never ridden a public bus for christ sakes! So... in a way I blame my mom for my deficicincies in not being able to make decisions and deal with certain situations - why I am so afraid to do what I want to do, so I cling to things. Oye. It's definitely not any better between my dang sisters - Christine and Stef - they are as demanding as they come, and treat my mom like crap. I would say I don't know how she puts up with it, but the truth is she doesn't.... she lets them get their way. How many 18 year olds do you know that get a 13K bike for their birthday? <.< Or how many 13 year olds do you know that get a 200 dollar cell phone for no particular reason, only because they cried and cried until they got it? Yea. -.- And knowing that my daughter keeps my mom pretty sane in moments when she needs it most.. I am reluctant to ever leave her. But the intelligent part of me fights the childish part of me and tells me I might need to leave someday. Only because I need to be able to go out and do things on my own without her influence. 0.-

 

 

There are other things, but I can't think of them >.> I need to get our newly acquired second vehicle fixed.. It was my parent's car until my sister wrecked it. They gave it to us for free of course, offered to help us fix it though I haven't heard anything from them about it since they handed it over. Then once it's fixed - though its the last thing on my list - I will finally have a car to drive. And NOT that ..thing that Joe calls a truck..  I am 5'1" and do not need to be trying to peer over a steering wheel when I drive!! 0.0 No, thank you...

 

Anyway... I think that's enough self evaluating for now.. I'll get more on another date, I am sure..