Work has been going good since my promotion. People seem to be happy that I work hard and typically know what I am doing. Apparantly their last assistant was so fail fest they couldn't even do an email.. -.- Have a lot of catching up to do, but it's looking good.. The boss lady seems happy with it all, hopefully I will continue to learn more and meet up to par with everyone's standards.

Got some good news on my car. Instead of 2000-2500 to get this lovely head gasket situation fixed, someone found a friend who will do it for 1300. A LOT cheaper, but still a lot. I just need to save that now.... Hopefully soon, not sure how much longer this car will last. And I just HOPE that it hasn't done anymore damage to the car... or I am crap out of luck..

.. Things at home just continue to get worse. My parents call me at work to give me bad news, and then BLAME me for it. When it's not something I can help, at all. Maybe if I got home it wouldn't be so upsetting, by WHY oh WHY call me at work when they know I am busy... My parents just LOVE playing those mind games, they love doing that crap to me and making me feel like the worst person ever. Quite frankly... I've had enough. I'm tired of it. It's getting me down, depressing me.. Starting to get that empty, hollow feeling inside of me, and it's not good. Last time I got this feeling I went into a pretty bad depression. Hopefully, with my ability to recognize it I will keep myself from doing such a silly thing. But.... sometimes a person can't help their emotions and reactions to stressful situations around them...

Plain and simple fact is.. I need to get away from them. Perhaps eventually, down the road when I can afford it (whenever that is), just get the heck out of dodge completely. Go back down south....

It's been quite some time, again.

Too much has happened since I last blogged. Way too much.

I left the ex for good, raising my kid on my own. She is two and a half now. Three feet tall and thirty-three pounds. She's a big girl! Good kid, a little rambunctious at times, and of course she has the stubborness of her father - so she can be a pain there at times. I was lucky, though; she's an incredibly cute and good kid.

I started working, don't remember if I posted since I started. Started back in the end of September, I do believe. Am now an assistant manager at another store a little farther away. Things are a little awkward at first - I got the promotion recently, you see - but I am enjoying it. Before the things I was supposed to do as an assistant were stifled because I was at a store that already had a manager and an assistant, I've still got a lot to learn but at least this way it will be learned a little more directly.

I've been trying to turn my life around since leaving the ex. With what the kiddo and everything I don't really have a choice. I got a better car, well, what seemed like a better car. Financed a 98 Subaru Legacy Outback. Subaru's ARE great cars, but this one just doesn't agree with people I guess... Havent had the car for but 3-4 months and the head gasket is going, I was quoted about 2000-2500 for the job. That's a lot of money for me to save up, I do NOT know how I am going to do that. I've got - again - the kiddo to raise, car payments to make - financing the Subaru, which makes this situation a little worse, insurance, cell phone.... Oye, what am I going to do? And it feels like the people here, family even, that live closest to me, aren't even remotely interested in helping me, which is lame I think. My friends who live thousands of miles away are more interested in helping me than family..  The bonds of friendship are way thicker than blood...

On a happier note.. I've lost a TON of weight. When I had Cheyenne I was a whopping 230 pounds at 5'1"... that's a bit heavy, dont'cha think? I do. But I wasn't going to let life get me by the hair and leash me, I took charge. I'm down to a steady 155-160, a considerable LOT less than what I was. I am feeling awesome! I have so much confidence, something I've never had before. Before, you wouldn't catch me dead in a tank top, but now I love wearing them. Show what you got, amirite? Still won't catch me in a skirt or shorts overly much, although I dared to buy a skirt recently.. Erf. Not sure about it, but I am stubborn and bold enough to wear it anyway  JUST to see a reaction from people.. This will be interesting.. You see, I am under the idea that women with big butts - at least badonkadonk ones like mine - don't belong in skirts... makes them look wider... or... on me it does anyway. I can't speak for others.

ANYWAY.. >D I plan on losing a bit more. I feel I look great, but for me .. I had a goal, and I am adamant in reaching it..  That goal is to get between 145-150. Not too far off my marked goal. I'm excited, although I know this last bit of weight will be a real pain to get rid of. I will do it, I've pulled through a lot worse - and soooo much at that. I know I can do this.

Now.. to just figure out how to raise the money to get my car fixed and move away from my damn family.. They're driving me absolutely insane, not sure I can handle much more of them. I feel like I am rapidly reaching a breaking point, and I'd rather not....

So it's been a real long time since I bothered with Mindsay. You could say things have certainly been busy. Aside from the fact that yesterday was my 22nd birthday, ugh, there has been a lot going on. First of all, I am in the midst of a divorce. Probably not surprising considering all the doubts I had nagging at me about the relationship in the first place. The truth is Joe and I were probably just not meant for one another. Now that I think about it .. it had just been convenient at the time. I had just been fired and kicked out of my parents house and Joe, someone I liked but barely knew, offered me a place to stay when I had no where to go. So, of course I'd feel grateful to him. Of course I could mistake my gratitude and loneliness for something other than what it was, such as liking Joe enough to want to be with him. To, only months later, marry him. But the moment I found out I was pregnant, only after two weeks of being married, and things started to change, I should've figured it out. But I am a stubborn person, obstinate despite my obvious pessmism, and I couldn't help that think perhaps it was simply all the things going on making a gap between us. But with all the fighting and butting heads, all the times Joe was never there and me feelings alone.. I should've ended it sooner. And now.. now this is happening, and Joe is trying to, even after agreeing divorce is the best, tell me he still loves me.  But.. after all that, two years wasted, I am done. I have no more feelings. I just want to get it done with.

The financial situation continues. Because of the divorce I am going to be a single mother, without a fight we have both agreed it'd be best for me to care for Cheyenne, since I mostly did that anyway. Joe doesn't have the time anyway, he hardly comes home these days. I need to find a job. There are quite a few places I applied at, but of course in PA they don't offer much help to someone without much of an education. Regardless, I am stubborn and protective when it comes to my kid, I will not fail when it comes to caring for her. So I will be alright, it's just taking a bit. My mom has offered to take me in, but not just yet. For now I am still stuck in the same place with Joe, and lawyers won't help us until we have been separated for four months or more. Anyone else thinks this is lame? But, thinking about it perhaps too many people just change their minds and the state was tired of it. I don't know. All I know is I don't want it to stretch out too long.

The car situation went a little better at least. We ended up getting rid of the Audi, only because it was just too messed up and the parts that needed fixed most were too expensive. So, I just waited for income taxes and bought an 800 dollar car. Of course it's not the best, but it gets me from A to B, that's all I care about.

So lately, aside from job searching, I've just been worrying about Cheyenne, nagging my mom about hurrying up with things so that I can get away from Joe, gaming on my free time.. and of course still taking care of this household. Might as well as long as I am still here. Joe and I might be over but I am not callous.

Anyway, today is my 22nd birthday, like I said.. I am doing something I've never bothered to do. I am celebrating it. Normally I don't give a shit about birthdays and holidays. The majority of them turn out bad anyway. Depressing, family arguing. Things like that. But today, I am taking it for myself. Drinking. Talking to friends, good friends who have actually made this the, most likely, more enjoyable birthday ever. Thanks guys..

Oh, btw, Chey is doing great. Getting big. She will be two soon enough. Climbing out of the playpen and climbing stairs like the pro. My daughter is too adorable, I love her to death.//

Christmas was fun. I got a few things. Clothes, a pair of DC's, MP3 player (music for while on the treadmill, yayness), Sims 2: Nightlife, 50 bucks.. It's all nice and well but I mostly just enjoyed seeing my family over. With my mom depressed over her job I thought our holiday would be destroyed, but no. I brow beat my mother into having the holiday anyway and forgetting about her troubles at least for a day. I could tell she enjoyed herself, she didn't want to leave.

I had a blast watching Cheyenne. Never thought a one year old could get excited like she did, but she got excited enough to jump up and down on her gifts, dive into wrapping paper, tear open presents w/ her teeth and w/o, try to tear gifts from their boxes. It was just all so funny to watch. Got some pictures up on my myspace... Like some below:

Picture 1            Picture 2             Picture 3             Picture 4

Aside from that just been taking care of the house for Joe who has been working overtime as of late, thanks to the holidays. The downfall about them. Overtime. Yay. Been playing secretary for my mom: sending off her resume to people, taking phonecalls for her (she has no answering machine, so we used my number for now),  keeping an eye on her emails (she has no interweb), things like that. Been trying to get my car fixed.. still. Yea. Busy. Yay. Anyway, I am going to go...

Well, it's 4:42 AM and I have yet to sleep. Don't think I could if I wanted to, to be honest. Yesterday was a hell of a day. All in one day I was told I was selfish, greedy, think only of sex, and am - pretty much - a bad mother. The selfish and greed run in with the whole sex thing. My husband comes to me wanting it and I give it up but when I go to him he makes flimsy excuses or just gets down right ticked. And of course yesterday having a day off finally and no baby - grandma took her - I had suggested as much. But he went on about how he had things to do and that's all I ever think about. -.- Right. And then of course while I napped he dragged my mom into the whole matter by calling her and talking to her. Told her that lately I'm not myself, depressed, and sleeping in. So she went on lecturing me about doing this and not doing that as a mother, spending most of the time pointing out my flaws. Hypocrite. Her motherhood experience was far from perfect. Yea, I should learn from her mistakes, but getting up in the morning and making sure my daughter is taken care of and then napping a little longer does not make me a bad mother!! Of course when I asked Joe about it he said he wanted some advice on how to "deal" with me. As if I am some out of control teenager. And he claimed that he had no idea my mom would call and lecture. Yea, of course not. He knows better than that.

My mother is the type that voices her opinion to whoever she wants, where she wants, when she wants, and doesn't give a crap about who is around to hear it. EVERYONE is made known of this very soon in meeting her. So anyone who does not realize this is just... yea. There is no one who can't, simple as that.

Anyway I continue to listen to music and watch videos on youtube. I am compiling a list of songs I like to download, something interesting to listen to when I am RPing or cleaning. I heard word I supposed to be getting some sort of mp3 player for christmas >.> so maybe I am doing it in hopes of that too. Heh.

The other night we took Cheyenne to see more lights, forgot our camera so we don't have pictures of that great place. I will have to get some next year. But I do have some from Rocky Ridge, which is basically a state park that gets decorated. People pay to come and see these vast, wonderful decorations and all the money goes towards a benefit of some sorts. Probably to the forest or something. Anywho, you can see the pictures if you want: HERE.

I'm done raving and ranting....